This year has taken all of us on a mad ride so far. There are many theories making the rounds of course. The one theory that keeps making itself known is this: we are on the brink of ascension. Essentially the energy, some theorize, is the same that was prevalent during the fall of Atlantis….Sounds hella scary doesn’t it?
This is what I have found to be true in my personal life. The year of 2020 has been one of a Clearing if you will. Meaning that old outdated ways of being has not only been exposed but demands to be investigated and replaced. We can’t escape our shadows, no matter how hard we try. This can be seen in the personal and political spheres. The only way to navigate that energy is to maintain balance. And then make a stand and own your power. But that means looking at the dark creepy crawlies in your own life first.
Hence….I do not feel like the same person I was at the start of this year. I am more settled in my energy, more sure of my purpose and I like to think kinder to myself. I explained to my daughter the process of manifestation this way. ‘Girly, you can’t expect to look in the mirror and see your reflection smiling back at you if you aren’t…’ Things change once we do. The outer world is a reflection of one’s inner world. So don’t run…
The dream of dying was a good one. Whether it was a bleed through of a past life or me saving myself, it matters not. Some kind of transformation and transcendence occured. I know it and feel it with everything I do. The dream showed me this clearly and the music I write is an outward reflection of the same change in energy.
Most of what was written for the new album, Before I Close My Eyes, borders on the mythic. Small stories woven into bigger ones. Love being an overarching, grander concept tying all of reality together. Whereas the new music…the love has sunk into my bones. It is not love directed at any person, but a love I feel within myself. And then project outwards.
I don’t know what comes next in my life. But the anxiety is no longer there. The need to know or control is gone. I feel so much…. softer on the inside. Gentler. I was told that rest is needed as my life is set to become rather busy. I look forward to that change. Already October going into my birthday feels like it will be a lot of fun. Being around friends and music does wonders after all.
I am not scared of being alone or lonely. This year showed me I can get through anything without music, friends, alcohol or a lover as a distraction.Saying I am grateful for every minute of being here and alive is an understatement.
Let’s play worse case scenario for a second shall we? Let’s assume the dream was a warning of my impending death. As far as I am concerned it wouldn’t be such a bad thing at all. Sure, there are things I want to experience and music I would love to make. But if my eyes don’t open sooner than later…I would be okay with how I lead my life and the daughter I leave behind. She knows her own mind and heart better than she assumed. Besides, there is nothing I regret. No one I failed to love as best I could. God knows I tried my best, and that’s the point. I tried my best and I will keep on trying until it’s time to leave.
Whatever lies in between now and that moment is filled with grace and so much gratitude. This is the only thing I make sure of. And that, my people, is more than enough.