‘Stop being so self confrontational Auriol,’ says one of my best friends. How can I, I asked him? How else to understand myself and not repeat mistakes?
Gods, last year was hard. I had to bury more than just my father. And I was so lonely. Granted, I learnt to deal with it. To shift my energy to family and friends and find other sources of joy beside Music.
Sometimes I forget that when my father passed there was just one voice I wished I could wrap around myself. I remember looking at my father’s dead body, staring at the phone and wanting to call. But no, I swallowed the idea and mailed a friend instead. It took a few weeks before I could pick up the phone and speak to anyone, let alone sing. Move on girl. Breathe. Everything passes.
I sent all the music to a producer who doesn’t know me. Listen objectively and offer some meaningful advice, I asked. So I know what to do and in what direction to turn. As I am all over the show. Or was…Now I have no idea what to write music about. But I have learnt how to deal with living in limbo as well. I blog my way through it first. Then listen to others and finally I speak, the worse being dealt with alone. Singing was nowhere near that list.
I plan on writing music everyday as an exercise or discipline as opposed to doing it for fun. Just to focus my energy. Seeing that it is not possible to plan a performance just yet.
Like I said, the worse is over and for that I am deeply grateful. One small foot in front of the other…