Life can be more magical if one takes a closer look. Today I met with Jack Mantis and it was a hoot. He gave me so many ideas. I walked away feeling both inspired and affirmed that I was on the right path all along. All I need to do is refine my plan. In essence, I need to be smarter about what it is I have to offer. So watch out Berlin. Here I come!
So along with refining my plans I am also learning German. Luckily, it is not so far removed from Afrikaans. And everywhere I turn I run into…Germans. Okay, universe….I am listening yeah? Plans are afoot. I would like to experience that city.
At times I feel so alone. It’s just my Love, Music and I against the world. And he taught me…how to flow, to feel, to Express every emotion I usually keep under wraps. This is why I raised my daughter the way I did. I was sheltered – from everyone and everything. As a kid, when married and even as a musician. Call it Grace – but I always have people at my side with great ideas and a good heart. My daughter was sheltered from nothing. She knew how people were killed in all the wars and why. Only now have I learnt the value of balance. But when one is young our decisions are reactionary. My daughter understands and has forgiven me for this, thank god!
Oh, I encountered my first troll today. From the same person who sent a text asking for money. He called me a fake plastic surgery bitch. Fuck, the only plastic I have are the flowers I wear in my hair! I wished him well and blocked him. Of course my friends were in an uproar. Auriol, you should have told us! We would have told this guy this and that. No. I can fight my own battles on my own terms. I don’t need anyone’s protection anymore. Not after Daddy died.
I never put myself out there for anyone or anything. I was raised to be seen and not heard. Imagine having that on your shoulders and all you want (in your secret heart) is to sing? The only time I said ‘I want this. Its mine!’ was when Ben Harper came to SA.
I am surrounded by such brave people. Everyday I am astounded at the balls on them! They fear very little, while I am Ms Diplomatic. Except when I sing of course. I can’t lie when I write music or sing. Sometimes to my detriment. Meaning, I didn’t get what I thought I wanted. Turns it the gods know better than I do. I have learnt to trust that instead. A bit of surrender goes a long way! The lack of an answer or a response is answer enough. There’s all the closure I need.
Everyone has a price someone has to pay. And mine is simple. Leave me alone to make Music. I return to people I love. Always. Without fail. Just let me sing, that’s all. Yet. No man I loved has ever given me that space. And so I left. What else was there to do eh?
It’s time I reached for more. It’s time to hustle and be less afraid. I told a friend a few days ago that we teach our kids how to love by loving and loving fearlessly. Not with words. But with our actions. My daughter matters to me more than she thinks. Yet, that kid is so sorted. Perhaps because I failed to be a practical mother. My head and heart only ever belonged to her, my Mother…and Music.