Look, kids are annoying….and wonderful. They also have this amazing ability to not only create a feeling of awe but also trigger any parent into full blown panic or anger. This is how it should be and here is my mad theory.
Each generation comes wired differently for a reason. If they were not, nothing on this planet would change. As they would perpetuate the conditioning and values of those who came before them.
Perhaps it is something extra in their genetics we know nothing of, that enables them to view the world very differently. Urges them to push our buttons so we can see the error of our ways and adapt. My daughter has so many planets in Aries and so is known as the shit stirrer in the family. If there is something everyone thinks but is too nice to say – she will. I have tried my level best to show her the meaning of balance. Alas, to no avail. Perhaps that is also as it should be.
I am a very balanced human most of the time. Utterly unreasonable when it comes to music and pursuing things I love yes. Yet, in every other sphere I am pretty chilled out. Of course I had to give birth to a crazy girl with mad ideas, who just happens to be brilliant at balancing the sciences and arts, all things practical and esoteric.
She has been my best teacher in….seeing things as they are. People included, which I struggle with. ‘Mother, your expecations of people are too high and when they disappoint you, you are so incredibly hurt you cut them out of your life.’ Standards are there for a reason, is my argument. However, she is right. She always was. And that’s the point.
Before I was a Mother I was incredibly impulsive. Only motherhood calmed me down, caused me to pause and consider. This need for balance and maintaining it was amplified last year during Lockdown and my father passing. It is no coincidence that I am surrounded by very impulsive, energetic, wonderful and mad people. We are learning from each other. From my daughter and the rest of my crew I was taught when to say no or shut the fuck up and go away. No explanations, no apologies.
I had no choice but to learn this. As the consequences of not doing so meant I was exploited and used as a doormat. This is the reason why I always pause first. I speak…clearly and am measured with my words. So I do not have to cut people off. As some are very hard of hearing.
I dislike being pushed, as an angry and pissed off Auriol….is not a nice thing at all. I am a Scorpio and know how to injure with words. I just prefer….not to do so. Hence, my ideal partner cannot be a high energy human with a serious case of FOMO. It would drive me crazy! I need to know the people around me give me space to just drift off alone or into my own little world. I always return I those I love.
My daughter and I do argue. She knows where to slip the knife and how deep to skewer. Breathe…I tell myself. Put down the phone, or walk away and breathe some more. ‘By the time I was your age you were born already…’ She could not imagine being a Mother now. That usually causes her to pause.
If you have a tricky kid, or one you do not understand….don’t take it so personally. I know, I know, it is damn hard. These pesky kids know just how to piss one off don’t they? But you choose each other for a reason. This was no accident. In fact, nothing ever is. The people in our lives are there for some greater purpose. Some for a reason, some for a season. Some just to work on your damn nerves.
Breathe. Balance. Know where you begin and they end. My kid knows I do what makes me happy, as I know what matters to her. Do we get it right all the time? Oh hell no! I blocked her on Instagram when she was a teenager as she threw a hissy fit and said some things when she couldn’t reach me. That was a lesson for me also. Share with people where you go and with whom….to a certain extent. I am a Scopio after all. No one can ever know everything. Too dangerous. Not until trust is a certainty….and even then…I will be watching your ass for any signs of disloyalty!
I love people who have big families. Even though ours is small we are all so tight. Lockdown was and still is a blessing. Daddy dying was a gift. Gods, I miss that old black man and all his snarky jokes! But I do not feel alone or without him.
When I leave here, I do so knowing my family love me as much as I love them. No bad blood. I do not need their okay for any of my decisions, this I know. Yet, it is great knowing I have their support regardless of the choices I make. Isn’t that what we do for the people we love? We allow them to make choices in their best interest, even if it does not include us.
We should all want what is best for the other. My brother knows he needs to bless the family with babies, he has no choice. It has been decreed by the Council ( my sister and myself). I need more kids to terrorize with the movie Treevenge! More babies to call me Aunty Yo, until my kid gives me some grandbabies.
Last time we spoke she wanted to call her future son Violence. Look here man, that is a bit much don’t you think? As reasonable as I am I had to give that a bladdy hell no. She settled for Rushay. I can live with that yes… Just don’t give me babies until you are ready I said. I have gallavanting to do. And might just take my future grandbaby with me….hehe