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There are a few people in my life I always check in with. My shaman is one of them. I usually do so at pivotal moments, like before opening for Ben Harper. She was the one who guided me, so I can manage meeting and performing in the same space as my favorite musician in this galaxy. We met today, my shaman and I for some one on one time, after she attended my birthday performance. As always she had a few choice words for me…some of which I will share.

She always manages to call when something is up. Today she confirmed a few things. Yes, you will see Ben Harper again. Look, I know this in my bones. When, how and why? I will leave that up to the gods. Besides, my dreams are seldom wrong. Also, I am set to leave the country soon. Again, how, when and why? Who knows? But when it comes it is gonna be so much fun. New place, new people, energy and that equals a new kind of music.

I tend to look at my surroundings very carefully and noted a while back…the nest outside of the door where I always smoke has two new baby birds who are ready to fly and take off. Well, well, I thought….the last time a bird left the nest I started writing music. Let’s see what comes next. I can ride unstable energy with greater ease than…the normal and predictive. In fact I get worried when the ground under my feet seem to solid!

Everything you asked for is so close, said my shaman. She also noted that I did a brilliant job in dealing with the crash after the Ben Harper concert. I don’t think anyone could understand the impact of that event. Everything, everything leading up to that performance was mind-blowing. The people who reached out to help, the band, my friends…and of course his performance! As an appreciator of his music, I sang with all of his songs yet…dammit…I did not account for the light and energy streaming out of that man as he did so.

So what does one do afterwards? Cry, write, compose music, allow my mother and grandmother to smooth me out and put me to work. It all helped. Make no mistake, many assumed that event would open bigger doors to my career. But I was met with silence…and God knows, looking back, I am so grateful for it. Now, I am so….over everything. Let’s not get started on the men in my life. Yes, men. None of whom I fully engaged with at all. What’s the point if what I will experience won’t alter me in some meaningful way?  This lady has things to do and you are not one of them. I won’t give any more than I can afford to part with. Not for anyone, not as easily, ever again.

My energy has shifted to a calmer place. And today, before I visited I was very clear about what I would like to experience in my career and life. My shaman just confirmed what my Mother, granny, aunty and girlfriend have told me over the past few months. All of them are deeply intuitive and all of them I trust.

I spent so much of my life…sheltered. and my hermit like tendencies are still there. However, I know how to manage even that and be present. If that isn’t progress then I don’t know. And all the in between spaces, places and people…I will ride that energy as best I can I until I am where I want to be and can make the kind of music I would like. Everything has to evolve and I refuse to be left behind because of fear – my own or that of those around me.

PS, I know what Ben Harper song I am gonna cover with a full band at my next performance. The song is…wait for it…I’m In, I’m Out and I’m Gone. That’s one of my favorite jams after all!  The last song I covered was I Will Rise…and that after my divorce. See? Better space all round. I evolved and learnt some shit. Booya!

 

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