It’s hard to separate my music from what I feel deeply. My parents want me to write music about our troubling country, the injustices. Instead of this constant whisperings and aching of love. I argue and maintain, that the state of one’s heart is reflected on every mirrored surface. The people we love or fail to love, the country we live in, the injustices we perceive. So let me worry about the state of my heart first…
My heart was always a noisy place, and raged for as long as I can remember. That’s why my favorite memories are gilded in silence. Listening to music with my daughter as she sketches and I read. Sitting outside as my mother plays piano badly. Watching my godsons play in the garden. The naughty twinkle in the eyes of my siblings as we make food together. My father staring out into the sky as he drinks tea. Or the last time a voice like wild forests called me to adventure, reminding me of old magic. My own and his and the silence that blossomed there.
So many musicians in South Africa are worried about the effects of this pandemic. Well, we aren’t working or earning, so of course it is a concern. Yet. Despite. And still, my heart says…chill out girl, you will find your way. My daughter just wants me to be in one place long enough to form roots. In my Ben Harper song for this new album, I sing ‘ His roots anchor me to the sky. Between my dreams and silences, my darkest lullabies.’ Meaning that music is my anchor to this reality and the love I am able to articulate through it is a measure of how deeply I feel.
The gods never leave us without. It reminded me of something my ex husband said when we were looking at the stars as teenagers. ‘What if this Earth is covered by a blanket and the stars are small pinpricks someone made to let light in.’ Last night I wanted to call him up and say…’Listen here Baby Daddy-Man, bladdy hell you were right!’ This Earth, this place of polarity, this graduation planet where we forget our oneness and connection to Source, is nothing other than a rock covered by the thinnest of veils. A veil of illusion we chose to not see through…
Yet, it’s always there, that indefinable thing that links us to the Gods. The stars are our reminder, gleaming so brightly. The stars and the black night reflect one reminder as they beam… we are what sets this world aflame. Our hearts, the love we carry deep within can light up any sky.
This is why I am not scared of being alone or listening to my noisy heart. Regardless of what I feel, the love pouring out in music. It will reach someone who shares the same frequency I do. Someone who stares at the stars with great knowing and is unafraid.
Until then, let me worry about my heart Mummy and Daddy. Before the concerns around this pandemic creates dissonance and I can no longer anchor myself.
Let me write and sing and find peace any way I can.