It was nice spending time with a friend who lives around the corner. A female friend I could just talk to and drink whiskey with. It was nice freeing myself of all the words I used to insulate myself with.
She encouraged me to join a dating site. Of course I deleted the app within an hour of getting home.Men make me rather nervous. I mean just how careful must one be? What is it that I must say or not say eh? Perhaps I don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to deal with another new being right now.
This is the first day I remained in bed. I am just so incredibly tired. Of course I can hear the devil in the corner whispering that I should forget about music altogether. As I feel a bit lost and directionless. Perhaps I should allow myself to feel this way for a while. Until I can figure out what to do next.
On an unrelated note, I always liked the idea of running. Right now I walk far and wide everyday, and enjoy the sensation of having left some part of myself somewhere else. As though there’s less of me around, less emotions, less thought. As we hiked I thought I need something more challenging, a way to push my body harder to switch off my mind.
Music has the same effect as does sex. And neither of those two options are available. Sex is a quick fix that fixes nothing. And music…well, there I need to be careful. So when thinking of a set list for a performance – I will chose music that doesnt open up any places that hurt.
We’ll see what the new week brings. I could do with some good news.