I shed one small tear at my Father’s memorial service. As I felt the sadness well in my throat, the most sensible thought popped into my mind.Old Man, Ithought, you had a good life.You were loved, knew it and you are no longer in pain. I have no need to cry.
The truth is I was mourning my Father for the last three years. I dealt with it in my own way. By writing, composing music and talking to my Mother when seeing him slowly decline became overwhelming.
How can I be sad when I have nothing to regret, when I loved Daddy as much as I could have and then some more on the side? When I made sure he knew just how much I adored him?
It was my ex husband who shocked me by calling and asking why I didn’t invite him to the memorial. Honestly, he was the last person I would think of. After a long, long conversation I invited him to join the family when we scatter Daddy’s ashes later this year. We ended up laughing a great deal, the ex and I. After all, he knew me since I was 16. Life is filled with all kinds of surprises.
We all face losses; big and small apocalypses along the way. Sometimes we handle it and ourselves so badly all we are left with is regret, anger and so many other twisted emotions. My father passing is not one of those.
I will do better than my best in showing love to my Mother. This is gonna be challenging as I already go the extra mile for her. But what the hell? Loving someone more than you thought you could is a blessing. And my Mother is everything to me.
You should have seen her at the funeral, taking charge, singing loud and encouraging everyone else to do the same. She spoke well, tears didn’t reach her eyes too often. Two years ago she confessed, ‘Auriol, when your father goes I need to know I tried everything under the sun to keep him healthy and happy.’ And did she ever.
Trips were planned, even though he objected because of his health. He ended up loving each moment of their holidays. If he wanted to build another room or fix another boat, she would rally the troops so that all he had to do was show up. And she always ensured he has a dose of his favorite things for a bad day.
My Mother is my Everything. Her faith is matched only by her big heart that seems to have space for everyone.
When I grow up….I want to love another the way she loves my father. With everything she was, and the firm conviction that love can never diminish you.
Do you know what I realised as we drove home from the memorial? Just like my father – I know when to take a stand, when enough is enough and I am fearless when it matters most. Also, I can pen a mean love letter just like he could.
I could not have asked for better parents.