I slept so much this past weekend. This is deeply significant as sleep is my ultimate luxury. I sleep well when I am at peace.
Who knows why people come into our lives? Honestly, I have given up trying to figure it out. All I do know is that how I feel is what matters and how they show up. I have a greater sense of myself and how I can be of service to others. And it has nothing to do with the music. This helps when people enter my life.
My Mother and Gilda are instrumental in showing me that the only thing that matters is that any emotion expressed is true. It’s not who you love but how you do so, how much truth can be found behind one’s words and actions. There were many instances where I did not speak my truth. So the universe decided to throw a few people my way to enable me to master that lesson….with grace.
Learn the lesson, the energy changes, and new people and experiences follow in tandem. Fail to do so and repeat the cycle, different people same lesson. Only one small problem with that scenario….things escalate until one is forced to make changes. Things fall apart. That’s been my experience so far.
Aside from sleep the other measure for any successful relationship can be summed in two words: musical intimacy. The music being played whether with intent or by accident speaks volumes. ‘I created a playlist called Jazz for Auriol..’ he said. But this wasn’t merely jazz. Bear in mind that his background is metal, hard and dark. Yet what was played was music of such sophistication, nuanced in every sense of the word. It swelled with intensity and took delicious turns while maintaining the element of joy and surprise. It echoed what we shared at every turn. ‘You are a woman of many undercurrents…so I was careful with the choice of music…’ Smart man.
All I am rather certain of is that I never slept as well, listened to music of such a calibre while feeling nothing but the deepest sense of ease. No, I felt nurtured and no sense of being pushed or rushed to be anything but myself.
And then… I woke up at 4am with a full blown orchestra in my head and simply had to get it out. And so I sang while playing the imaginary piano on his chest or snapped my fingers as I sang incoherent words as the melody ran circles in my head. He just smiled, put on some coffee and waited for me to return to him. Causally I mentioned that music has never found it’s way to me like that before. Not with such fullness and never while with someone.
‘Whatever you decide, you know I will make a plan right?’ Yes, that I know with absolute certainty for the first time in a long while. And it is not as scary as I once thought it would be. Whatever it is I am sharing with him…it feels true and I more like myself than I have in a long while. But I enjoy most is…his gentleness, his patience. And as much as he says he feels a deeper sense of grace having me in his life – I feel it in equal measure with him. And that’s enough for now.