My entire yesterday I was filled with anxiety. A low level hum that made me feel confused and ill at ease. I stopped and spent the rest of the day calming myself down. Yeah, as though my mind is this fractured scared 5 year old….
We all have tendencies, patterns of thought we follow with ease. Our own little yellow brick road. And I felt it a few days ago, a familiar tugging. The desire to search for beings with silver skin, the Leo without a RAWWW and the wizard chilling in Oz. And then I stopped myself. I am not Dorothy and red shiny shoes ain’t my shit. Hell, I don’t even like dogs that much. I listened to my mind blabber on and on as though I am an observer in an asylum.
How true is this thought I am thinking? How does believeing this thought make me feel, I asked myself. That is all it took. Piss off red shoes, the tin boy and the fake lion and flying monkeys. I do not need a path of yellow bricks to show me the way home. And if I believe half the nonsense I am fed by mainstream social and mass media I risk becoming the Wicked witch myself. Howling blue murder and feeling righteous about everything. Picking one person off at a time as I dictate what is right and what’s wrong from my flying broom.
Life has become rather delicious of late. No. It is filled with more peace and grace. In that I feel more free than I ever have and more capable of sharing it with others. However, becoming stuck in even the intoxication of that idea is one to be wary of. This life is a grand illusion after all. Balance. Neutrality. Do not believe everything you see, hear or even think.
I look forward to spending time in the desert. A small little ritual of my own will be enacted, one of release and purification. Then if I am lucky a bit of music will find its way to me….through me. That’s enough.
Have a great day wherever you are. X