Again, this is a great name for a song. I must remember the line Feeding Wolves. Anyhoo, this morning a thought popped into my head and this is the gist of it.
I, Auriol Joy, will no longer indulge in thoughts about people, experiences or things in the past that no longer serve me. Or cause me mental anguish. Wait. Let’s make that simpler and yes, there will be swear words so brace yourself….
I, Auriol Joy, am not gonna think about shit, blog about shit or write music about shit that’s over and done with. Even the good stuff. Because let’s face it people – it’s over and in the past.
How else to make space for new experiences eh?
I am lucky in that people send me great messages on social media. About their lives and kids and jobs. This morning I got the kind of message I live for! They are getting married! Rona showed them that it is impossible to live without each other and so they took the big leap towards happiness! And then she sent a blessing my way also, that graceful human. Her message was a reminder of the magic and love people are more than capable of giving. And sometimes, because of our past…we forget.
Someone once asked me : will you feed the good wolf or the bad wolf with your thoughts? Neither. I am a Phoenix who transforms with every small and big death. My lesson is that of balance.
I emerged from Rona with a greater understanding of myself, my abilities, certainty around people I care for (even my Baby Daddy) and open to whatever life brings and I offer it. More settled in my bones and maybe even a better cook of sorts. However, I am deeply grateful for every good, bad or indifferent experience I had. As it brought me here. To this moment.
I realized there’s no point thinking about anyone or experiences and moaning about the fact that it or they are not in a reality in my life. And here’s why – if something is meant to show up for me, it will. If it doesn’t, it’s not meant for me yet. Or maybe never. And I am okay with not knowing the reasons for it, and living within the mystery.
As this is where I am now. Here. Not stuck in the past or future. Here.
My thoughts and emotions are not wolves. Sometimes they are small fires on a cold night. At other times they can burn entire cities down along with the people in them. And at every point in my life cycle….all I can do is maintain my balance. Yes, sometimes by loosing it completely. Still, being the Phoenix, I rise above…
I have standards I realised! Wait, that sounds too fancy. I have a frequency that can be picked up by anyone around me. And those who are in my life share it. Every time I think about something in my past that upsets me, it messes with my frequency. If I linger there too long I end up attracting the kind of energy I don’t need or want. Or people who think I can help or fix them, so they can function on my frequency. I can’t. I won’t. I refuse. I learnt the lesson way too many times.
You are either it or not. As to what ‘it’ is, only you can decide. But decide you must or life will bring you the best and the worst to enable you.
So go ahead…feed your wolves. I know where I can be found on most days. With the warmth of the sun in my bones. And when it gets really, really dark and sorrow surrounds – it’s the light within that gets me through. True to my Scorpionic energy, I cut away the past and emerge from the darkness as something ….other.
Also, this is a reminder that the language we use to make sense of our lives matter a great deal. As it carries power. So take care…and make knowing what’s true for you a priority.