I often wondered why I feel no guilt around certain decisions made. And why, conversely I felt guilt when there was no need at all. Why is it, I wondered, that I am able to think of certain people with only joy even though they are no longer in my life? Or why couldn’t I bring myself to think of others although I know I made the right decision, one in my best interest?
When I let go without guilt….all I was doing was releasing them to find their own happiness, what resonates and is true for them. I might not have done so in an elegant way. Yet, the fact is that we all function at different frequencies. This is why they are no longer there after all.
In the same token, when they let me go it was nothing but an act of unconditional love. An act of service of you will. So I could explore and find what it is I needed, what was true for me.
When guilt was present I took the time to figure out what erroneous belief I was clinging on to for dear life. This is what I confronted in the last year. And why I felt the need to move through this entire year, especially my father’s passing….alone.
In the last few years I had interactions with people who made me confront the worse of my fears. I refuse to play victim or call then the villain. That is too easy and if not thoroughly investigated, one risks repeating the same lessons.
I choose to have a special someone in my life who values me the same way I value them. But in order to know my worth I was tested. At the root was my father and every man since.
And the same question asked at every turn: is this a true reflection of who you are, of what you need in your life?
I can smell the old energy a mile away. Now when it presents itself, all I do is smile, wave and say….off you go darling. I am sure there is someone else you can offer your gifts to. It’s just not me. With no malice or guilt.
My heart feels a hell of a lot lighter and I more ready to move into what’s next. Although I have no idea what’s around the corner, it is one that fills me with delight and curiosity. Bladdy hell…I need a whiskey for this one. I should celebrate!