Since Daddy passed I set very clear intentions about what I would like to experience. Writing everyday helps a great deal, dealing with the detritus of everyday living and the morass of ethics or lack thereof I found myself being mired in.
This is what I discovered. Every time I set clear intentions they manifest. The focus is not on what I want to get out of anything but how much of myself I am willing to give. It always works out in some strange fashion…when I am in the flow and let events unfold. Sometimes it is as simple as me saying, ‘No matter where I am I will have a good time.’ Never lying about what I feel, being balanced in how I express my desires to the other and allowing them to bring the best of who they are.
So when I think of Music I do the same. Even if there is no seeming logic. Mark asked me, ‘Why are you creating a music video for music that’s been out for years already? It makes no sense!’ Of course it makes sense to me. Why not create something where everyone is happy and inspired? Don’t you know that the energy of joy travels a far way and leads to unexpected doors opening?
I won’t lie….I know how to read people. This is where any Scopio’s ability to observe comes in handy. In the last two years this is what I encountered. Again, it was Mark who clocked it and said, ‘You have gone from meeting men who are assholes to men who want something serious from you.’ He is right. I have heard so many times….Auriol, wait for me to sort my life out. Auriol, in so many years I am marrying you….blah, blah, blah. Or men willing to give their all if I allow it.
What are my intentions regarding men? To be as truthful as I can be. Another friend dropped some serious knowledge when he said that the ability to enjoy just being with someone and sharing a special moment or space in time is enough. But we are human and want to stretch that out until forever. We demand that small bit of happiness infects every part of our lives. This is especially true when you are un-formed, like I once was a few years ago. Hell, I was the ultimate cling-on! Also, everyone knows a Scorpio finds it hard to let go of people or ( more accurately) the idea of them.
I see myself and all my flaws and own it. Conversely, I see others as well, and reserve my judgements. I observe carefully yes, and if there is emotional resonance will flow with it. Solitude taught me many things. At the top of the list is….I am rather okay owning my own space. Do whatever you like darlings. You would in any case. And I would rather have another in my space being true to themselves than true to me and my ideas of them. See….that’s where the lie begins.
I have no doubt love, great sex and deep connection will find me. No doubt that my ass will end up overseas and my music being heard. I enjoy the mystery of how it magically unfolds, the dots connecting across space and time. Everything and everyone I encountered on my path was just a rehearsal for the real and one true thing. Still, I do my best to enjoy every single thing, person and experience in between where I am and where I end up. Savoring it, honoring it with all I am, making the path a hella lot more enjoyable, as opposed to bitching and moaning (which I do from time to time). This is my ultimate philosophy.
I get trapped in the lie when I give into the observations of others, their take on life. When I swallow their world view, their lies. Again, thank god Daddy died. Each day I think of him and the strength he left me with, the clarity of being I now have.
I had a good weekend so far. Noel was very surprised at my refusal to drink whiskey ( or copious amounts of it). I more than made up for it while in CT. Balance. I won’t allow anything or anyone to become a crutch in my life. I won’t allow anyone’s lack of love or affection to bother me or make me doubt myself. I know who I am. I know my worth. Let me share a lovely little story that happened at Summer Camp…
I was speaking to a lovely human being, listening to him speak and said only a few things. I could see his eyes brighten and his body relaxing. ‘Wow, you bring such light!’ Of course yes….as that is my intention every single damn day.
So tell me – what intentions do you set? When you wake up in the morning….what is it you bring into the world? Your life is a reflection of just that. Every belief, truth and lie you allow. Observe, don’t judge. Then do your best to lighten your load. We all need more warmth, more light to get us through. And you have so much to gift the world with…