We are strange creatures, us humans. We strive for certainty in everything we do. Searching, aching and longing being the keywords. Yet, it is a well known fact – the miraculous finds us when we do none of the above mentioned.
So there you are….
Your damn life is in ruins. Every path travelled before lead to a disastrous ending, where you now find yourself. You retrace, overthink, promise to never walk along any route that even smells like what you have known before….and, inevitably end up feeling hella depressed. Just what do I do now ?
There is….joy….in being on your knees, life itself reducing you to a blind man stumbling in the dark. Just where are those breadcrumbs you left yourself as you went questing into the dark forest eh? I once heard it being said that when the knights of old found themselves at that very forest where the treasure was buried they knew to enter where it is darkest…
‘Be patient with what you don’t know. ‘
Who wants to hear that when trying to piece your life back together? No one. All we are acquainted with is control. I will accept this. I will not do that. These conditions are unacceptable, therefore…I must….I will…I can! And damn anyone who stands in my way! Resistance, resistance, resistance. Everything feels hard…and you become harder along with it.
Would you like to know what I discovered when in that dark forest, howling on my knees? To embrace, to breathe, to accept….and allow my eyes to grow accustomed to the lack of light. To savor the ground I stand upon….and move from there. Or crawl. I gravitated towards the breadcrumbs, those bits and bobs that felt soft in my hands, in the direction of light to guide me back to my internal Sun. Music helped, friendship, nature, dancing, laughter…sometimes even great sex. Slowly removing the hard bits and internal blocks. Even my anger, my rage was embraced. Lets be honest for a few seconds, eh? When seriously pissed off…you know exactly what you do not want and that’s bladdy brilliant!
In time I could look at my past with new eyes, a shift in perspective. Without blame or descending into victimhood. I am my own knight in shining armor, I remind myself. I could only accept any form of help once I stopped judging myself….for simply being human. Not knowing, making bad decisions, and enduring the consequences thereof…
‘Be patient with what you do not know.’
And we know so very, very little. Each discovery feels like the gods descending, rewarding us with a gift. I celebrate every part of my life in song. Sure, it sounds cool sometimes. Hell, the music is in all kinds of disrepair. And even then…I do not judge any of it. I write music and sing…to find my way back, through and out of any dark forest. I sing to share with others. So their path is not as dark. At best, through my Music and entire being…all I am is a single breadcrumb along the way. Just as others were to me.
Consider my mad ramblings if ever you find yourself in a dark forest and your life in ruins. And try….to be patient with what you do not know. X