There are some thoughts that get stuck in one’s throat, in a place in one’s mind, and could drive one mad! Go away, go away, go away…that’s what I tell that stupid thought. Haven’t I written enough music about you? Dammit, there is nothing more to say.
I need to let this thought out and look at it in the bright sunlight. Or else I will end up singing about it and…well….ain’t nobody got time for that!
The thought left me just before Daddy passed. Yes, when I stupidly imagined the lift in energy meant something great was on its way to me. Turns out the bladdy universe needed me to be in a better place to deal with my father’s passing so I can assist my family.
I remember the second my father passed, wanting to pick up the phone and call. Of course I didn’t, and later discovered that I couldn’t really speak to anyone. So I wrote and wrote and wrote. Glad I did by the way. But it alarmed me where my mind went to in the seconds following Daddy’s death. I made a conscious decision in that second. I refuse to need or lean on anyone to get through. And so regained my balance on my own, thank you very much. I need to not judge myself as being pathetic and weak when that thought knocks on my door.
Still, I miss that stupid man. I miss him and wonder what the hell he is up to and I wish I didn’t. Sometimes I swear I can feel his energy slinking around me. Why man? And why should one bladdy human affect me so? I have songs to write, music to sing, dancing to dance and on my birthday kiss at least one delicious man.
So I ask myself…Auriol-girl, are you lonely? As that might explain it. In fact, I am not lonely at all. I am in such a good place dammit. I am just chilling and vibing over here. Very happy to work on the new album soon. And then head off to CT to stage a performance before I enjoy my birthday.
I do find it a bit of a mystery to be honest. But you know what Ben said right? I find it best to refer to The Harpernator when I am in a bind. It’s not what you do, it’s what you do with what you feel. The rest is all just crap and a waste of emotion. Okay, I said the last bit in case you are wondering….which I am sure no one is.
I am gonna let it be what it is.Just exhale and carry on. Things change in time, the wheel turns. It always does. Now lemme watch Lovecraft County and get some sleep. Perhaps Taika will pop by and crack a few jokes in my dreams!
Tomorrow, a library run and a walk by a certain place where I spotted something that looks interesting…and I know it spotted me. I know, I know, I sound like a scoundrel, a proper rogue, a rapscallion of note! Why yes. Yes I do, don’t I ? Hehehe. And no, I won’t move in any direction unless I feel called to. Despite my wannabee roguish ways.
Still. Breathe, breathe…everything passes