As far as I can tell – every piece of music was a snap shot of my life. A sneak peak, experiences condensed and set to music. Sometimes too revealing or more so by what was absent. My existential crisis gave me a great deal to think about. Why and how did I create meaning in my life? Around what ideas of self and identity? Are they still valid?
On the first album, Behind Closed Doors the song Zero Gravity said it all.
‘One day when I grow up I want to sail to the moon. With all my favorite things I sure hope it happens soon. I want to float in zero gravity, leave all my troubles far behind me. With just the stars to guide me. I can be who I wanna be…’
The Call it Love album dealt with the fallout of an almost 16 year relationship. I was making sense of it, stitching the events in place because I had forgotten where I ended and my new life was meant to begin. Dreaming Music, the album following gave me time. And all I did was dream….but without structures and safety valves in place. Reveling in my new found freedom, the new question I was faced with was this – what do I care about now? Now that all the people I once loved are gone. Now that all I have is a broken me. The exit track Let’s Dream In Music spoke to that notion. I was confessing, giving small hints as to the roles I play, we all play. I was speaking about past and future lives colliding to create a present I was so unsure of. In short…I was lost in the dream of my own life, my own Music.
I wrote two other albums since then and am busy writing for the 6th album. This time I am trying to be more conscious. Previously the music spoke of where I was or hope to be. How about writing music to express who I chose to be and grounding that in sound?
The last two years have been a mad trip. While I did not perform as much this year…dammit, I lived! I spent time with people who reminded me that my life is filled with grace, that it is not the Music they need from me…but just little old me. That I am enough. And somewhere along the way a strange thing happened…I started believing it, knowing it as a deep truth.
They say that the cosmic energies of Venus retrograde asks one to reevaluate many things in one’s life. I decided, I do not want to be a collection of impulses doomed to repeat past behaviors. I chose to embrace the now, the new, the hopeful and allow life to unfurl before me with grace. To put aside the seeming urgencies my fears beg me to stare at and write music about… day after day.
About the new album? It’s all groove and movement. Think of….cosmic colors thrown on a wall exploding with mad vibrancy. Now imagine that wall being my life. Wait, not only my life, the lives of my friends, family, people I have loved, love still and will love in the future. And we are all grooving man. Having a damn good time while the lights are on….because…we can. Because we are here. Alive. Despite everything.