Every single time I am out on the town with friends and that moment finds me… when the music is perfect, when the crowd is in sync with each other and I had just enough whiskey….it’s that moment when everything within me becomes silent. Just as I do when I rehearse and we are so in sync with each other we close our eyes…in prayer, in the deepest of appreciation – that moment is everything. It’s complete in so many ways. So my new album will not be called Silk and Gravel but…wait for it…Before I close my eyes. And here’s why.
It’s that same moment when I rehearse, when I am on the dance floor, when I eat an extremely good meal or close my eyes as I kiss someone I dig or orgasm with someone I don’t ….it’s that moment of absolute fulfilment that I, as a musician immerse myself in, that I am deeply grateful I find.
I learnt this at Afrika Burn. You must understand…I am so busy watching other people and their sharp edges that I seldom get to relax and be in my skin. I will never forget that day on the playa, driving in the mutant vehicle with him. The ease with which he allowed people to just be themselves. I don’t think he realised the gift he gave me in that second. Once I started forgetting about who I was meant to be, what was expected of me….I lived, I breathed and felt whole.
So forgive me, if you see me at a party and I haul out my notebook. Or on the dancefloor and I don’t see you… I am so emersed in the moment that I have no choice but to write, to remember, to celebrate being in my skin.
I am part hedonist, part stoic…and it was hard to manage those two aspects of myself. But since Afrika Burn, I find it easier to just be in my skin, to demand what I need and not apologize or be nice, to dance sing….
I can look at people just being, no matter where I am…and the only thought running wild in my mind is – gods, I am so glad to just be alive. To be surrounded by different tribes I belong to who give me the same space I give them. Grateful for the solitude and the freedom to get on stage, sing my soul out, or on the dance floor and not give a single fuck. Or eat a meal cooked by someone with such great care.
Everyone wants to save the planet and be a goddamn better person. And often it is our pursuit of those higher ideals that fuck us over….because we forget we are both divine and banal. God and animal in one skin.
Everything is about the balance and this is why I am glad I chose to be a musician….because I no longer struggle. If something or someone moves me, that is where I will be. For as long as I can or it is needed, without fear or doubt. Damn the consequences. I am here to live and like my shaman says, this life is not a dress rehearsal.
I pack my bags and move on, when the moment comes and I stay when I choose to. After all, love is freedom. They are as much a gift to me as I am to them. Not everyone is meant to stay in our lives. Some people are a gift and others a lesson. As we are to them.
At the end of the day it is that simple. Go where you are loved….and seen for the gift you are. So next time something happens, something or someone who moves you, take a breathe….before you close your eyes….and then revel in it.